It wasn't suppose to end like this!

Dear Nathan,

You decided to make a decision that has changed the lives of many this week. Last Tuesday night June 16th you decided to go out with friends, you decided to put pills in your mouth, you decide to drive, you decided to drink, you decided to put your addictions before anything else. You chose to be selfish and now we all live with your decisions.

I didn't get to say Goodbye to you, although I did see you last Sunday June 14th. You brought your son Gavin to eat lunch with all of us, and to celebrate Mia's birthday. We all knew you were hurting. You see we all knew that you were withdrawing and looking for your next fix. You left dads house mad because you got your feelings hurt because we faced you and your devil. Now we all look back and blame ourselves and wish that the conversation was different. The truth is though that we couldn't stop you. We had all tried, we had all tried to help you. You took advantage of all the resources that we handed you. You had reached the end of your rope with everyone. You had drained everyone for all they had. But we loved you, you were a piece of our puzzle and now there is a piece missing.

You were found Weds morning face down on the couch of one of your drug addict friends, you had vomit coming from your mouth and on the left side of your face was red like a burn, but it was only there because you laid dead on your side, and all the blood had gathered there. None of those cool friends came to your rescue then. Your car was impounded and your drug addict friend called your wife Layne and our dads to let them know you were dead. You always tried to be the cool kid. You weren't that cool laying face down. How completely selfish you chose to be that night. Why didn't you call someone? Why didn't you think of your beautiful son? Why didn't you think what you might being doing would tear your family apart?

Your selfishness has left a little boy without a daddy. His deserves so much more than what you have given him. You were supposed to be his hero, you were supposed to be there for him, and now your selfishness has left him without his hero. I will promise you that I will love Gavin and show him that you did love him, and that you were a good person, but that your addictions won this battle. You already know that we will not let him go without. He will be surrounded by family, love, and support. I played with him down by the duck pond while other family members and friends visited your body. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

I love you so much and I have cried so much. There hasn't been a day thats gone by that haven't cried and prayed for God to bring you back. I have begged for God to give you one more chance. I know you would be different. I am so sad, but I am so mad at you right now. Why did you do this to us? Why did you chose drugs over your family.

There was a big turn out at your funeral as people gathered to remember a little boy who was so much fun to be around. You were so laid back and we will always remember you in your little orange hat, your fanny pack with all your "ninja" stuff in it, your shoes were ALWAYS on the wrong feet, and you were always on an adventure. I know that you are in heaven and you are still on an adventure. I will always remember you and cherish the time that you were with us, and know that I will see you again someday. ( And just to let you know I will kick your butt for what you have put us through)