One year check up a month late

Well, we took you for your 1 year check up today and yes we are a month late, so actually you are 13 months and 1 week. You weighed 22lbs, 30 inches long. That put you in the 30th percentile for weight which Heath had a major fit about. Your height was in the 60th percentile. Daddy was hoping for you to weigh closer to 25-26 pounds and Dr. Rodgers would like to see you a little bigger also. I feel like you are a perfect size. I am nervous for my kids to be fat. Fat kids are fat adults!!!! Your left tube fell out of your left ear on Monday while you were at "Big Boy school" (yes I finally got Daddy to agree that you needed some time away from Mommy to have friends) Anyways, like I said your tube fell out of your ear Monday and you also started a small runny nose and a little cough. Today when we took you in, both of your ears were infected. They are setting you back up with the ENT to have new tubes put back in. This mean major mommy anxiety, and lots of tears, when I am actually supposed to be the strong mommy. I am already sad and we haven't even met with the ENT yet. Your last tubes went in when you were 5 months old and they said at the time that you were extremely young to get them but since your left eardrum had rupture twice between the ages of 4 and 5 months they decided tubes was a MUST for you. They said the possibility for another set was pretty good since your ears were so little and you were in a big growth time.
I know you will be fine, but the thought of you being scared and you are surrounded by strangers brings a tear to me. You are in a huge separation anxiety and I am sure the new start of "big boy school" isn't helping.
You seem to like daycare once you are there, but you still cry EVERY morning, and every morning as I drive out I feel guilty for leaving you there. All your teachers love you and you are the oldest so you have made it very clear to the other babies that you are in charge. We wouldn't expect anything else for you.
You are growing so fast and I love the age you are, however you can be a little difficult at times.
You are starting to speak better. Your favorite thing to say is DADDY, DADA, and DAAA which all means you want your daddy. You often walk around the hows repeatedly saying DADDY, DADA, DADDY until your daddy answers you. You pretty much refuse to say mama. You have started to say "shoes" but it sounds more like ssshhooo. You know that if you want to go outside or if you want to go bye bye, that you have to go get your shoes and sit down until I put them on. You have been calling Kaley's name, but it sounds like YA YA. Don't let Kaley fool you. She loves that you address her in anyway. Keegan used to call her "TAY TAY" and she loved that too. Kaley and Keegan love you so much, and love to aggravate the life out of you. You are smart and have learned to fight back. Kaley is ALWAYS in your space, so we usually know when Kaley is by you because you let out a horrible loud scream, even if she is just sitting closer to you than you want. She wants you to want her, instead of you wanting me. So if you fall she rushes to pick you up and then walks the opposite way from me, so that you will hopefully want her instead.
You think Keegan is completely hilarious, and he is. He is completely goofy. Everything he does is weird and he always has funny expressions which keeps you laughing at him. The other day your daddy and I took all 3 of you to the park, and while you were swinging Keegan was acting like your swing was hitting him, and you were laughing so loud at him. Your favorite thing of all time to play with is a ball. Our whole house has balls everywhere, and this is a game that Keegan plays with you all the time.
You have started climbing on things which has caused many bruises on your little head. Your throw everything, and you love to be outside. Your favorite food recently is pizza, yogurt, and of course you are still a HUGE fan of mini Nilla wafers.
We love having you as part of our family, and can remember what we did before you came along. (Except maybe slept a little more!!!)

It wasn't suppose to end like this!

Dear Nathan,

You decided to make a decision that has changed the lives of many this week. Last Tuesday night June 16th you decided to go out with friends, you decided to put pills in your mouth, you decide to drive, you decided to drink, you decided to put your addictions before anything else. You chose to be selfish and now we all live with your decisions.

I didn't get to say Goodbye to you, although I did see you last Sunday June 14th. You brought your son Gavin to eat lunch with all of us, and to celebrate Mia's birthday. We all knew you were hurting. You see we all knew that you were withdrawing and looking for your next fix. You left dads house mad because you got your feelings hurt because we faced you and your devil. Now we all look back and blame ourselves and wish that the conversation was different. The truth is though that we couldn't stop you. We had all tried, we had all tried to help you. You took advantage of all the resources that we handed you. You had reached the end of your rope with everyone. You had drained everyone for all they had. But we loved you, you were a piece of our puzzle and now there is a piece missing.

You were found Weds morning face down on the couch of one of your drug addict friends, you had vomit coming from your mouth and on the left side of your face was red like a burn, but it was only there because you laid dead on your side, and all the blood had gathered there. None of those cool friends came to your rescue then. Your car was impounded and your drug addict friend called your wife Layne and our dads to let them know you were dead. You always tried to be the cool kid. You weren't that cool laying face down. How completely selfish you chose to be that night. Why didn't you call someone? Why didn't you think of your beautiful son? Why didn't you think what you might being doing would tear your family apart?

Your selfishness has left a little boy without a daddy. His deserves so much more than what you have given him. You were supposed to be his hero, you were supposed to be there for him, and now your selfishness has left him without his hero. I will promise you that I will love Gavin and show him that you did love him, and that you were a good person, but that your addictions won this battle. You already know that we will not let him go without. He will be surrounded by family, love, and support. I played with him down by the duck pond while other family members and friends visited your body. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

I love you so much and I have cried so much. There hasn't been a day thats gone by that haven't cried and prayed for God to bring you back. I have begged for God to give you one more chance. I know you would be different. I am so sad, but I am so mad at you right now. Why did you do this to us? Why did you chose drugs over your family.

There was a big turn out at your funeral as people gathered to remember a little boy who was so much fun to be around. You were so laid back and we will always remember you in your little orange hat, your fanny pack with all your "ninja" stuff in it, your shoes were ALWAYS on the wrong feet, and you were always on an adventure. I know that you are in heaven and you are still on an adventure. I will always remember you and cherish the time that you were with us, and know that I will see you again someday. ( And just to let you know I will kick your butt for what you have put us through)

Happy 1st Birthday to my little angel!!! I can't believe that you are already one year old!! You are such a funny baby, and wow you keep me on my toes. We spent your birthday by packing up and going to the Bristol lake house. We saw your Gramma Teresa, your Uncle Shane & Angel, Uncle Brent, Aunt Vickie & your cousin Urijah. You spent the day playing in a baby pool on the screened in porch with your cousin Urijah. We didn't make you a cake, so I ran to the local grocery store and all they had were Graduation cakes, so I bought you a personal Graduation cake, and you loved it!!! You performed much better for pictures with your two dollar cake than you did with your big expensive cake that matched all of your birthday colors!!! Your daddy said we are going for the cheap cake and definately going to Chuckie Cheese next year. He said I went way over board with your party!!!

I love you so much and you are growing so fast. You started walking April 21st, one day before you were 11 months. You say DaDa all the time and have gotten really close to your daddy lately. You hate shoes and absolutely love playing with balls. I am hopeful that the seperation anxiety will get better soon!!! You have hurt a few of your family members feeling by not going to them. Even if you don't go to them, you always have a cheesy smile to give them!!! Oh and you have 7 teeth, 4 on the top and 3 on the bottom.

Tomorrow is your first plane ride and I pray that we all make it there safely and without too many tears. We will be going to the Daytona Beach and Orlando for Sea World. I am excited to see how you will react to the beach!!!

Happy Birthday Alexander, you have been a true blessing to us!!!

Here is picture with your getto Graduation cake, while we were singing Happy Birthday!

You dove head first into your "getto Graduation cake"

Here is you and your cousin Urijah playing in the baby pool

Your new duck tub for the lake house that scared the life out of you, this way right before you went crazy crying and climbing out!!!

Birthday PARTY

This past Saturday was your first birthday party. We have been having horrible weather lately, and I just knew that it would rain. We planned to have friends and family over and have a cookout!! It was cloudy all day until 1 hour prior to your party, and wow the sun came out!!! We tried hard to get you to take good naps that day, but you knew something was going on since we were all running around trying to get things ready. I have been planning your party for months and I have never been so excited to make sure everything was perfect. Now I know that there is nothing perfect about a 1 year old birthday party which in the end is what made it perfect!!! I made homeade cupcakes and of course worked til all hours on your cupcake toppers.

All of your grammies, poppies, gramma's, and grandpa's came aline with uncles and aunts and great friends. The day was definately about you, however you were quite fussy. We thought that you were a little freaked by all of the people and the chaos. You even took a small nap during your party, because you could stand yourself any longer. We ate, opened presents and did your cake, however you weren't real impressed and it took a lot of promping to get you to taste it.

Well, your party turned out great and everyone had fun, and we got some great pictures of you! We were really sad that you were so grumpy. You continued to be grumpy even yesterday (the day after your party). You are a pretty happy baby, so I was getting a little concerned. Your daddy came home and heard you crying, and then you coughed real hard. Daddy said it sounded like you had a sore throat. Daddy looked in your throat and guess what you have strep throat again!!!! We took you to Jefferson City Hospital Emergency room where daddy works. Of course when we got there you decide to flirt with all the nurses. You got a antibiotic shot and we hope you start feeling better soon. We felt really bad that we were getting frustrated with you, and blaming you for being spoil, when you probably felt like crap!!! Hopefully we didn't get any friends or family sick. I am sure this will be a busy week, and we will celebrate your birthday all week since you don't actually turn 1 until this Friday!!!

We love you and hope you had a good birthday party even if you didn't feel great!

Busy little week

Well we have had a busy last week and lots of stuff has happened. It started off with my 28th birthday a week ago yesterday. I got the ultimate birthday present. Alexander, I took you to music class and then we went to eat with Poppie for my birthday. During lunch you became increasingly fussy and started running a fever. By the time I got you to the doctor your fever was 102.2, and you bounced back and forth between crying and sleeping. You ended up having strep throat, bi-lateral ear infections and Fifths disease. They even tested you for RSV because you were so sick. You were a champ while they swabbed your throat, swabbed your nose, pricked your finger and then gave you a shot for your strep throat. Sorry we had to do the shot because we had company coming to stay with us and you couldn't be sick for the first meeting between you and your cousin Urijah Bryce.

You had lots of fun with Bryce, and had to learn what the word "Nice" meant because your were a little rough with him. I think you were just really excited to have someone to play with that was your size. While Bryce was here we took both of you to the outlet mall in Pigeon Forge and while we were there, we let you both see the Easter Bunny. Most kids at 10 1/2 months would be scared, but not you. You waved and giggled every time you looked at him.

Alexander you have been into everything, you are walking while holding onto things and your fly while your crawling. You new favorite thing to do is get into the dishwasher why I am unloading or loading it. You also love to unload all the shoes out of the shoe basket. I go around behind you all day long picking up and putting stuff in your toy basket, just so you can pull it all back out.

You have stared biting lately and I am the main receiver of your bites. You have given me multiple bruises.

We started baseball and softball this past week and Keegan you scrimmaged a team and did pretty well. You were very mad at yourself because you struck out both times that you went up to bat, but that's OK, mommy was proud of you. I was most proud of you because, the train that comes right by the ballpark came through, and you only glanced at the train. Usually you get extremely excited and lose all focus of what you are doing. Again another example of your love for life. All the parents laugh at you for your excitement of the same train that comes through at each ball practice. You start jumping up and down, smiling, yelling to me "MOM LOOK THE TRAIN" (Keegan I can hear the train, you don't have to tell me it coming) Sometimes you completely run away from your spot on the field to wave at the conductor, and he then blows the train whistle which gets you going even more!!!!

Keegan, you told me the other day that you hated your name and want me to change it. I think your name is WAY cool, mainly because we only know one other person who has that name. You told me that Brook (your girlfriend) and you decided it was a lame name. I asked you what you would like to change your name to and you said "ALEX" "See mom, it would be awesome you could have Alexander and ALex for kids" Ummmm NO I don't think so. I don't think that you

realize that Alexander and Alex are the same name. Your such a goof ball.

Kaley, you had a softball tournament last weekend and I was a little nervous for how you would do. You are an amazing athlete however you don't have much desire to play softball since you got hit multiple times with the ball last season. You have a bad habit of jumping out of the batters box as soon as the pitcher releases the ball. GIRL your did great, you had several hit, and slid home on every play, which you were also nervous about. You had a pop fly catch in center field, and were so proud of yourself. You got a little nervous when you left second base before the pitcher had released which caused you an automatic out for your team, and considering it was the Championship game you were upset with yourself, however your team pulled through and you guys won the Gibbs tournament undefeated !!!!!

Your killing me Keegan!!!!

Keegan-Wow you have given me a run for my money this week kiddo. You have been a little on the naughty side this week. You have lied to me numerous times this week, you hopped on your bike and rode around the block without telling me, you had the wet recliner incident, then once we grounded you, we found you playing your Wii in your room. I am not sure what has gotten into you this week, but you have disappointed me quite a bit.

However, it is hard for me to stay mad at you because as naughty as you can be, you are so innocent in some of your actions. Its hard for me to understand, because I feel that at the age of 7 that it is time for you to take responsibility for your actions and your recent excuse to everything you do is "Mom but I did know" and the fact is, you do know!! You very much know right from wrong, and in your hours of remorse you explain to me over and over why you were wrong and plead for forgiveness. Tonight you kept saying to yourself yet loud enough to make sure I heard you how stupid lying is!! You kept saying " Why did I lie?" "I can't believe I did that" "That was sooo stupid" And then you always say "Mommy, I have been thinking! And I have decided what I did was really dumb and I am never gonna do it again!" And most of the time you have this false hope that your comments will let you off the hook of your punishment, which is how I know that you are smart enough to realize what you are doing!!! Then I respond to you "Keegan, I am sorry too, I am sorry that you made bad choices, now go back to your room" and at which time the crying starts all over again, until 20 mins later when you come back and try it all over again.

So I have decided that although I won't tell you this anytime soon, but you being grounded is the worst punishment I could put myself through!!! But I have to be consistent with you and hope that this new lying phase will soon pass, because there is nothing worse than a liar!! You are such a good boy at times, and yet test my patience. I hope that you get back on track soon, because I really hate to punish you. I like to see you play and smile, and be your funny, charming self. And this picture makes me laugh hysterically every time I look at it

1543 Miles

Well I looked it up. 1543 miles between me and someone I will treasure forever!! I started thinking tonight about the different people that have come in and out of my life, and one has somewhat stayed the same. We met approximately 10-11 years ago. I didn't know when we met that we would be friends still today. I have written about her before and she is the reason that I started this whole blog thing, so a big thanks to her for that. Emily Tripp Moore (although she will always be Emily Tripp in my eyes).
Em- I am so glad that we found each other again (thanks to Myspace). I truly thought that we would never find each other again. I know that we live 1543 miles apart but I will always think of you as one of my dearest and best friends. I was so sad when I moved away from Salt Lake because I knew that I was leaving behind one of the most loyal friends a person could ever find. I do have a best friend out here, but the connection and bond that we had and I hope still have will be unlike any other. You were one of the only friends that stood next to me even after I had Kaley. Wow for that, I am forever grateful. Most days I wish so badly that we lived closer. We could share so much together, hard times, funny times, sad times, but for now we will have to make do with our occasional text messages and our several page emails (which reminds me, we haven't had one of those in a while).
This may sound cheesy, but I have always looked up to you. You a such a beautiful person on the inside and out. You amaze me with your knowledge and understanding. I have never been ashamed of who I am, what I feel, or what I say when I am around you or even writing to you. I think that one thing I remember most about our friendship, was how much we were so different yet so much alike. Its like we know what the other one was going through without much words being spoken.
I envy the relationship that you and Jake have, and only hope that one day Heath and I will have as much love for each other as you two do. Em- Jake is an amazing man, who loves you and cherishes you and your children, and for that NEVER take that for granted. Jake has always just been the bonus to our friendship. He has always been the quiet one in the background, yet his loyalty as a friend to me in my most recent trip to SLC, and the crazy ex was very much appreciated. You children are beautiful, and I wish so badly that I could be around them and love on them, as much as I wish you could be around Kaley, Keegan, and Alexander.
I am secretly looking forward to the 10 year reunion, and I am begging Heath that we can go so that we can see each other again. (I mean how many friends can go 6 years without seeing each other and when you see each other again, just pick up where you left off).
So with all the cheesiness, I just wanted to make sure that you know that I love you like a sister, I cherish our friendship even at 1543 miles away. I will always be here for you, if you need me. I am only a plane ride, a text message, a email away!!!